This video from WUSA9 in Rockville, MD, shows an interesting perspective from an adult son living at home. The family dynamics in the video are interesting to watch, but the revelation comes at the end, when the young man says that he would view having his own place as a “luxury” — the luxury part being that he wouldn’t “have to hear the nagging.” But he views that luxury as being worth only $100-$200 — not the $1,000 it would cost him to get an apartment of his own. So, he’s happy to stay put and live for free, with being “nagged” the only price he has to pay…
Do your kids see you as a nuisance they’d pay a few hundred dollars to avoid? If so, it’s time to have a serious talk about the reasons why your adult child is living at home, and a timeline for them to move out.
There are some great stories and videos about adult children living at home in this piece from The Huffington Post — plus a trailer for a movie called Tiny Furniture, which explores the relationships in a family with a college grad moving home.
Recent statistics show that 85% of college grads move home to live with their parents for at least a little while. In this video from NTTV Nightly News, University of North Texas students talk about their plans for and experience living with their parents, and UNT’s economics department head offers some advice.
One question many parents with adult children living at home have is how they can help their adult children find a job. The key here is that while you can be a helpful resource for your adult children, you need to be careful not to do too much. You can work your network and offer job-hunting advice, for example, but you should never call a potential employer on behalf of your adult child, or actually write their resume for them. Here’s a video that offer some great tips on how to help your adult children living at home find a job:
Hi, I’m Christina Newberry from adultchildrenlivingathome.com. Today i’m going to talk about how much rent to charge adult children living at home. It may not be what you want to hear, but I’m afraid there’s no single answer to this question. It depends on a couple of factors.
First, how much can you they afford? If they could afford market rent, they probably wouldn’t be living in your home.
Second, why are they living in your home? If they’re going to school or if they’re struggling to get over a major challenge in their lives like a divorce or the loss of a job, you may want to be a little bit more flexible — especially if they’re just using it as a short-term way to get back on their feet.
Third, how long is your adult child planning on living in your home? If they’re just going to be there for a couple of weeks up to a couple of months, you might want to be a little bit more flexible than if they’re planning on staying there for a long time like a year or more.
So you have to talk about what works for your family. I recommended any adult child who’s living at home for more than six weeks or so should pay rent every month. The simple fact is that they’re adding to your household expenses and they should be required to make contributions to that.
Plus, it’s a good idea for them to have this monthly expensive in mind so they are prepared for it when they are living on their own.
When adult children move home with children of their own in tow, there are even more issues that everyone has to deal with — including who will look after the young children, where everyone will fit, and conflicts over different parenting styles. Still, it’s becoming a more and more common living situation, and with good communication and understanding, you can make it work. Here’s a video that tells the story of one adult son who moved back into his parents house with his wife and two daughters after the economic downturn made it impossible to make ends meet.
Hi, this is Christina Newberry from adultchildrenlivingathome.com. If you have adult children in your home again, you may need some help renegotiating that parent–child relationship.
For example, it may not be appropriate for you to set a curfew for you twenty-seven-year-old daughter anymore, but it’s still perfectly reasonable for you to worry about her if she doesn’t come home when she says she’s going to.
Here’s a solution to this surprisingly common problem. Come to an agreement with your adult child that if they’re going to stay up past a certain time they’ll send you a text message either to your cellphone or
to your home email address.
Cell phones are so common these days that even if your adult child doesn’t have one of their own, they should be able to borrow one from one of their friends.
This way you don’t have to get woken up by your adult child calling to say they’ll be late an your adult child doesn’t have to be embarrassed calling their parents in front of their friends, and yet you can rest easy knowing your child is safe just by checking your messages.
Hi, this is Christina Newberry from adultchildrenlivingathome.com.
If your children are coming home from college for the holidays, it’s time to talk
about what your expectations are and how you can all live peacefully together.
The relationship between parents and children will always be a parent–child relationship, no matter how will that kid may be. For example, an adult child coming home for the holidays may think that you’re going to do all the cooking and do their laundry, while you may be thinking that you’re going to get a break from cooking every night because that adult child is around to pull their weight.
If you don’t talk about this beforehand, you could both end up feeling resentful and angry. Open communication is the best way to prevent stress and arguments before they happen. So here are some things to talk about.
Number one: Household rules, including swearing and noise
Keep in mind that your adult kids got used to a whole new set of expectations at school, including what kind of language is appropriate to use, how loud music should be, and what time it’s okay to come in at night. Talk about what’s okay in your house and what just isn’t.
Number two: Fair use of resources
Set some guidelines for use of the family computer and be very clear about the guidelines for using and gassing up the family car.
Number three: Overnight guests
Whether you like it or not, your college kid has probably been having sleepovers with his girlfriend while he was away at school. Is it okay with you if he brings her home for a sleepover in his room at your house?
Number four: Chores
A big holiday meal with no help from your adult kids could lead you fuming. Make sure you talk about what your expectations are beforehand so your adult kids doesn’t end up feeling imposed upon and you don’t end up resentful.