Category Archives: Family stories

"Zero rent gets you the creepy room": A charming perspective from one adult child living at home

Today we share with you the story of Sam, a 22-year-old New Zealander who’s back living at home after 3 years away. While he was gone, his mother took over the newly vacated “spare room” for her craft passion. His parents’ house has a guest room, too, but that’s not where he lives. No, he gets the “creepy room.” Here’s how he describes it:

Although there is a guestroom, I have been assigned to a room labeled by my father as “the adult child returning home” room, although this is a purpose it has evolved into over the years. It was originally built in a section of the attic as a room for my then ten-year-old brother. There is no door, just a set of stairs that leads directly into a single room with bright colours and walls that connect the ceiling and floor at a forty-five degree angle, as opposed to the standard ninety. It’s the ultimate tree fort, and a child’s dream room.

It’s an adult’s nightmare.

But Sam bears his parents no ill will for the attic room. He shares his perspective on his blog, in an entry that is worth checking out if you have adult children living at home.

Adult children's stuff stays at home — even when the adult children move out

For families with adult children living at home, space can often be a concern. Adults simply need more personal space than children do, and the needs of several adults living in one home can clash.

For some families, space is an issue long after the adult children finally move out — because they leave so much of their stuff behind at Mom and Dad’s.

There’s Louise Hill, for example, who at 91 is still storing a garage full of stuff belonging to her 65-year-old son.

You can read more about Louise, and other families squeezed out by their adult kids’ stuff, in this article from The Floria Times-Union.

When establishing a timeline for your adult children to leave home, don’t leave yourself responsible for taking care of their stuff for the rest of your life. For your adult child to reach true independence, they must not only move out of your house themselves, they must take their belongings with them.

It may not be possible for adult kids to take all of their cherished possessions with them when they first manage to find an apartment or have roommates, and there’s nothing wrong with keeping their stuff around if it helps them out and you have the space. But if you want to downsize, or turn your child’s old bedroom into a den, it’s time to get firm on a “stuff-removal” timeline. You may want to put this step into the timeline you create that establishes milestones for your adult child’s stay at home and their transition to a place of their own.

You can learn how to create a timeline for helping adult children establish independence at www.adultchildrenlivingathome.com

Expert says establishing boundaries is #1 step

In a recent article from EnterpriseNews.com, Helen DeVries, director of the doctorate psychology program at Wheaton College offered the following advice for families with adult children moving home:

To make it work and ensure things stay amicable rather than resentful, you have to frame it more like you’re cohabiting with roommates. In that scenario, there’s a splitting of chores and errands. It’s easy to slip back into the routine you had pre-college, but you have to try to make it more collegial than hierarchical. Parents need to say ‘We’re delighted we’re able to help you, but you’ll be expected to cook one night a week or do all of the ironing or give us X amount of dollars for the cable bill.

One of the families profiled in the article used a contract to set the terms with their adult child — and everyone seems pleased with the results. You can learn more about how to create a contract for adult children living at home here.

Sticks and stones may break their bones…

BLUDGER: noun, a person who lives off the efforts of others; a person who does not pay his fair share or who does not make a fair contribution to a cost, enterprise, etc., a cadger; an idler, one who makes little effort. (Australian National Dictionary Centre)

It seems adult children living at home in Australia are tired of getting labeled with the “bludger” stereotype. The author of this article talks to a few of them and their families to find out why.

Are you helping your children… or stifling their independence?

Just because your adult children are living at home, that doesn’t mean you need to continue to support them in the same way you did when they were kids. As we discuss in our book, providing too much financial support for your grown children can hold them back from establishing their own careers and developing sound financial management skills.

This article, based on the book “Does Your Bag Have Holes” by Cameron C. Taylor, uses simple stories to illustrate why letting your children find their own wings can be the best thing you ever do for them.