The older the child, the greater the tension

Researchers from the University of Michigan recently did a study of parents and their adult children. Not surprisingly, they found that there is often tension between parents and adult kids. Parents tend to feel more tension than the adult kids, and parents feel more tension with daughters than with sons. As children get older, tension appears to increase.

Researchers found that the more tension, the less likely parents and adult kids were to use constructive strategies to sort out their differences.

Be sure to sort out annoying issues with your adult kids before they turn into major crises, and you’ll be much more likely to resolve things amicably. There are some excellent communication strategies based on years of leadership and communications training in The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home.

The study mentioned above will be published in the journal Psychology and Aging.

Video Tip: How to make sure you know your adult child is safe without imposing a curfew

Transcript:
Hi, this is Christina Newberry from adultchildrenlivingathome.com. If you have adult children in your home again, you may need some help renegotiating that parent–child relationship.

For example, it may not be appropriate for you to set a curfew for you twenty-seven-year-old daughter anymore, but it’s still perfectly reasonable for you to worry about her if she doesn’t come home when she says she’s going to.

Here’s a solution to this surprisingly common problem. Come to an agreement with your adult child that if they’re going to stay up past a certain time they’ll send you a text message either to your cellphone or
to your home email address.

Cell phones are so common these days that even if your adult child doesn’t have one of their own, they should be able to borrow one from one of their friends.

This way you don’t have to get woken up by your adult child calling to say they’ll be late an your adult child doesn’t have to be embarrassed calling their parents in front of their friends, and yet you can rest easy knowing your child is safe just by checking your messages.

More on how to talk to your adult kids about money

A few days ago I posted a link to a Washington Post column by Michelle Singletary, inc which she talked about when adult children’s finances may be their parents’ business. Today, I’ve got a link to the transcript of a live online chat Singletary hosted, where she answered questions about various topics. With her column fresh on their minds, many people asked for more information about dealing with adult children’s finances. It makes for an interesting read, and you can find it here.

College kids coming home for the holidays? You need to watch this video!

Transcript:
Hi, this is Christina Newberry from adultchildrenlivingathome.com.

If your children are coming home from college for the holidays, it’s time to talk
about what your expectations are and how you can all live peacefully together.

The relationship between parents and children will always be a parent–child relationship, no matter how will that kid may be. For example, an adult child coming home for the holidays may think that you’re going to do all the cooking and do their laundry, while you may be thinking that you’re going to get a break from cooking every night because that adult child is around to pull their weight.

If you don’t talk about this beforehand, you could both end up feeling resentful and angry. Open communication is the best way to prevent stress and arguments before they happen. So here are some things to talk about.

Number one: Household rules, including swearing and noise
Keep in mind that your adult kids got used to a whole new set of expectations at school, including what kind of language is appropriate to use, how loud music should be, and what time it’s okay to come in at night. Talk about what’s okay in your house  and what just isn’t.

Number two: Fair use of resources
Set some guidelines for use of the family computer and be very clear about the guidelines for using and gassing up the family car.

Number three: Overnight guests
Whether you like it or not, your college kid has probably been having sleepovers with his girlfriend while he was away at school. Is it okay with you if he brings her home for a sleepover in his room at your house?

Number four: Chores
A big holiday meal with no help from your adult kids could lead you fuming. Make sure you talk about what your expectations are beforehand so your adult kids doesn’t end up feeling imposed upon and you don’t end up resentful.

Parenting twenty-somethings

For those of you with 20-somethings living at home, Psychologist Susan Allen has put together a blog you might want to check out. With topics like dealing with adult kids during the holidays, and how to talk to your adult kids about credit card debt, she can provide loads of information, drawn from her experience a a psychologist and life coach.

You can find Susan’s blog here: parenting20-somethings.blogspot.com

Stories of "boomerangst"

Today we’re sharing some thoughts on “boomerangst” — the feelings of angst related to moving back home with Mom and Dad — from T.J. Wihera, himself a boomerang kid.He shares a few stories of fellow boomerangers living at home, their feelings about the lack of independence (and the benefits), and how the situation is working out.

You can check out his piece, which appeared in the Denver Post, here.

Unemployment rates for young adults

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the national unemployment rate for young adults over age 25 was 8.5% in August. Nine years ago, that rate was just 3%.

For younger adults, the situation is even worse. In August, the national unemployment rate for 18-19-year-olds was a full 25%.

With youth unemployment rates at these levels, it’s no wonder that so many young adults are living with their parents. For tips on how to make the situation more livable for your family, check out our free report on the 8 Most Dangerous Mistakes Parents Make When Their Adult Child Lives at Home by filling out the box on the top right of this page.

20% of fathers willing to help adult kids with $20,000 or more

A new survey from CreditCards.com shows that 20% of fathers would help their children to pay off $20,000 or more in debt, even without expecting to be repaid. Just 12% of mothers said they would make the same decision.

In both cases, parents were willing to help pay off credit cards, a mortgage, or student loans, and were much less likely to help pay off gambling debts.

You can read an article about the survey here.

Adult Children Living at Home in the media

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