Rules for adult kids at home during college breaks

I posted a new article today that talks about setting rules for adult children who return home during college breaks. Some key tips from the article:

Make sure you talk about and agree upon guidelines for:

– Household rules, including swearing, late nights, and noise: Remember that your college kid has been dealing with college-style language, music, and hours. Talk about what you’re comfortable with, and what you’re not.

– Who covers additional expenses: If your adult kid is just home for a long weekend, this probably isn’t an issue. But if they’re home for three months, who’s going to pay for the extra groceries they consume and the electricity they use? What about long-distance calls they make keeping up with college friends?

– Fair use of shared resources: Make sure you all agree on appropriate use of the family computer and TV. You don’t want to have battles over the remote just as someone’s favorite show is about to begin. And be very clear about any guidelines for using (and gassing up!) the family car.

– The thorny issue of overnight guests: Whether you like it or not, your kid’s probably been having sleepovers with his girlfriend while at school. Can he have her stay over in his room at your home?

– Privacy rules for both you and your adult children: These rules will be different than they were when your kid lived at home full-time. You should agree to stay out of her room and her mail, and she should agree to stay out of yours.

– Which chores your grown kids will be responsible for: A summer break with no help from your adult kids could leave you fuming. Make sure you agree on what’s expected beforehand so your kid doesn’t feel imposed upon, and you don’t feel resentful.

If you need help setting up an agreement with your adult kids for their breaks at home, or if you just need some advice on how to renegotiate your relationship now that your kids are grown, you can find resources and tips at www.adultchildrenlivingathome.com.

You can read the rest of the article here.

80% of 2009 college grads moved back home

College grads are increasingly moving back in with mom and dad after graduation, according to recent poll results released by CollegeGrad.com, the #1 entry level job site.

Among 2009 U.S. college graduates, 80 percent moved back home with their parents after graduation, up from 77 percent in 2008, 73 percent in 2007, and 67 percent in 2006.

“Many factors are responsible for the trend of recent graduates moving back in with their parents,” says Adeola Ogunwole, CollegeGrad.com Director of Marketing and PR. “The economy is tough right now. Every year, living independently becomes more expensive and entry level jobs become more competitive.”

Another factor, said Ogunwole, is that “Gen Y” students–born in the 1980s and 1990s–tend to have close ties with their parents, depend on them for support and guidance, and feel no stigma at moving back home after graduation.

According to the CollegeGrad.com poll, nearly 70 percent of recent grads did not have jobs lined up when they graduated. The job market is certainly competitive, but Ogunwole believes there’s an additional dynamic getting in the way of some graduates’ employment: unreasonable expectations.

“Many recent graduates are turning down good job offers, holding out for better jobs and salaries in the belief that a college degree entitles them to more than entry level,” says Ogunwole. “In today’s job market, that’s just not realistic.”

“Moving back home with mom and dad may be a good temporary solution, but the sooner you embark on a full-time job search, land a job, and learn to live independently within your means, the greater your chances of being successful,” says Ogunwole.

The CollegeGrad.com online survey attracted more than 2000 respondents. New grads were asked, “Did you move back home after graduation?” and answered as follows:

  • Yes, just for the summer – 11.5%
  • Yes, Until I find a job – 68.9%
  • No – 19.6%

Source: CollegeGrad.com

A few more stories to share

Again, I’ve got some more stories of adult children living at home for you, this time from the Santa Monica College Corsair newspaper. Here’s how one of the stories begins:

Cathy can’t find her shorts. She’s looked in her hamper and closet; she’s searched under her bed and carefully shifted through the stacks of clothes littering her bedroom.

“Mom!” she yells, “Have you seen my denim cutoffs?” Her mother replies aggressively, “Those old shorts? I sent them to Poland. Your relatives need them more than you do.”
And so it goes for another twenty-something who has been forced to move back with parents because of rising housing costs and plummeting employment opportunities.

You can read the rest of the article here.

How to set up a contract for adult kids returning home

In Australia, as in the rest of the world, adult children are living at home longer — and when they do leave, they’re quite likely to “boomerang” home within one to four years. In fact, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 54% of 25- to 29-year-olds who live at home were out of the nest at some point, and 8% of 30- to 34-year-olds still live at home!

That prompted Murray Olds and Murray Wilson from Radio 2UE Sydney to give me a call this afternoon to talk about  rules for adult children living at home. I talked to them about the importance of creating a contract or living agreement for adult children moving home. They’ve got the whole interview (about 5 minutes) posted on their website, and you can check it out here.

Stuff Justin's dad says… that might make you feel better

Justin Halpern has a twitter feed that’s pretty much all about sharing profane things his father says. What makes it interesting is that Justin is 29, and he’s living at home with his 73-year-old dad. He recently wrote a piece for CBS Moneywatch, sharing some of his dad’s insights into their relationship. Among them is:

‘I don’t give a [expletive] when you leave, I just need to know you’re [expletive] leaving someday.’

That’s a rough way of putting it, but it’s important nonetheless. Setting a timeline for your adult child’s departure is one of the most important ways you can help them maintain their self-respect — and help you maintain your sanity.

You can read the rest of Justin’s piece here.

How to Kick Your Kids Out of the Nest

I was quoted yesterday in a piece for CBS MoneyWatch on what to do when you adult kids move home — or just won’t leave. Here’s an excerpt from the article:

If you hope to ever get your kids out of the house, you need a plan in place before they move back. That plan should set a move-out deadline and define what they need to accomplish while they’re home, says Christina Newberry, co-author of The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home. Newberry speaks from experience, having twice moved home to live with her parents in her 20s. She suggests families agree to a policy for everything from overnight guests to sharing the TV and the house computer. Do not baby your children, she warns. “If you treat them like a kid again, you’re not helping them — you are creating a lifestyle that they won’t be able to maintain when they leave,” she says. “Your job is to get them to where they don’t need you anymore.”

You can read the whole article here.

Still more stories of adult children living at home

I share a lot of posts with stories about families with adult children living at home, because I know it’s important for those who are living in this challenging situation to understand that they are not alone. Today’s stories come from the TheSunNews.com in Myrtle Beach. You can read about adults from 30 to 56 who are living with their parents again, since unemployment in their area is at 10.5%. Here’s the link to the article:

http://www.thesunnews.com/news/local/story/1100598.html

Clever insight from a boomerang kid

At 26 and with 2 masters degrees, Nicky Loomis has found herself rooming with her parents in Pasadena, while trying to maintain a social life with her friends in L.A. In the first post on her new blog, she shares some of the trials and tribulatons of living with her parents in her mid-twenties. Here’s a highlight:

Though the high-school curfew is gone, if I don’t call to check in, it’s the barrage of the voicemails again. My parents even learned how to text.

My friends have been looking at me kind of funny lately, though, and I can’t blame them: I’ve started repeating dorky 60-year-old jokes my father performs at dinner; I now drink half-decaf, half-regular coffee; and I think watching Sunday golf on TV is relaxing.

What kind of a boomerang have I become?

For more of Nicky’s story, check out her blog at http://www.sgvtribune.com/opinions/ci_13481454. You might get some insight into how your own boomerangs are feeling. If not, Nicky’s witty writing should at least be enough to make you smile.

Teaching your adult children about investing

If you’re planning on helping your adult children out with a financial gift, it can be a great opportunity to teach them about investing. After all, the goal is for your adult children to someday become financially independent, so any tips you can give them now to help them toward that path will benefit everyone later.

This article from Carrie Schwab-Pomerantz of Charles Schwab & Co., Inc. offers some great tips for how to turn a financial gift into a life lesson in financial management.

Adult Children Living at Home in the media

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