We’ve talked before about legislation in various states that allows parents to keep their dependent adult children on their health insurance.
Here’s an article from the Wall Street Journal that summarizes the various states’ coverage all in one place. If you need to know whether your health insurance could cover your adult child, you should definitely take a look!
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB125098113262151655.html?mod=rss_Health
This recent article from the Sun Sentinel describes parents who are having trouble letting go of their parenting duties, even when their children are in college. The parents in this story still write thank you notes for their 20-something kids, and even want to help with college homework:
There are the parents who call the admissions office pretending to be their child in order to get information… There are parents who call professors to complain about a bad grade, perhaps because bullying the teacher worked in elementary or high school.
If you’re still acting like a “helicopter parent” when your kids are adults, you’re not doing them any favors. Over-parenting is Dangerous Mistake #1 covered in our free report, “Avoid the 8 Most Dangerous Mistakes Parents Make When Their Adult Child Lives at Home” (which you can access by filling in your name and e-mail address on the right side of this page).
A study released last month in Australia shows that while some adult kids are moving home for financial reasons, some just like the fringe benefits that come with living with Mom and Dad. According to an article in the Brisbane Times:
The report found men did less cooking and cleaning when they were living with their parents than they did when living out of home. For men aged 20 to 24 the difference was more than two hours a week: those living at home spent three hours and 15 minutes a week on domestic duties. Those who lived away spent five hours and 25 minutes cooking, cleaning and gardening.
Are you providing extra “convenience” that’s keeping your adult kids at home too long?
For some parents with adult children living at home, “empty-nest syndrome” is a delayed phenomenon, happening when children are in their late 20s or even 30s rather than when they are heading off to college as very young adults. Recent research has shown that empty nest syndrome may be a myth — that parents whose adult children live at home are actually more depresses that those whose kids live away — but for the writer of this article from the Telegraph, looming empty nest syndrome is a reality.
Two things about this article — the writer is doing a couple of things that conflict with the advice we offer, so we want to make sure you spot them. She’s not charging her adult daughter rent, hoping that the adult daughter is saving for a down payment on her own home. We suggest that parents always charge at least some form of rent (even if it’s paid in labor by doing chores around the house) to get the adult kids in the mentality of having that monthly expense. If you want to help them save for their own place, give that money back to them when they leave — you don’t even have to tell them that’s your plan as you’re collecting the money.
She’s also wondering about putting herself in debt to help her daughter by a home. We strongly advise against putting your own financial situation in jeopardy to help out your kids. If the money’s not there, it’s not there. Look for other ways to support them.
MSNBC recently featured a story about adult children moving home because of the recession. It talks about how relationships change between adult kids and their parents when the adult kids return home. We particularly like this quote from Dr. Marion Lindblad-Goldberg, clinical professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania.
“Theoretically, by the time you reach adulthood, you’re supposed to be at the same power level as your parents. But it’s never like that. Parents can relate to their adult children when they’re away from home. But in the home, particularly if it’s the same home, the kid goes from being 28 down to 25 to 20 and ends up at 7.”
You can read the rest of the article here.
When adult children live very near their parents, families can experience some of the same issues as they do when adult children live at home. Adult kids may still stop by to do laundry or to be fed by Mom and Dad — and there can be privacy issues, even when the residence isn’t shared. Take this example from St. Petersburg Times Staff Writer Michelle Miller, writing about her adult son who lives down the street:
His dad and I were startled to hear a key in the front door just as we were settling down to watch the Red Sox on the tube.
“So, I guess you don’t have to knock or ring the doorbell?” my husband asked the boomerang boy.
“Nope, I have my own key,” the boy answered.
He was just passing by on his way home from work, he told us. “I just thought I’d stop in.”
As you can see, it’s important to set boundaries with your adult kids, even if there’s more than just a wall separating you. You can read the whole article here.
This recent article from the Wall Street Journal offers some good financial planning advice for families with adult children moving home.Their key tips:
- Establish a Plan
- Share personal financial information
- Preserve retirement plans
- Older parents are the boss (for familes with 3 or more generations living together)
- Household contributions
You can read the whole article here.
In Australia, the Australian Temperament Project has been following the life of nearly 2000 Australians since they were born in 1983. Now 23- or 24-years old, these young adults are giving some input into how they view their relationships with their parents.
Here are some interesting recent findings from the Project:
- 88 per cent of young adults said they still counted on their parents for advice and emotional support, though only 70 per cent of parents thought of themselves as still helping in that role
- 94 per cent of young people said their relationship with their parents was important to them
- 84 per cent said their parents played a major role in their lives
The most recent findings are published in in the current issue of the journal Family Matters. You can read an article about the study here.
New results from statistics New Zealand show that 20% of 20- to 34-year-old men live with their parents — but only 13% of women in the same age range do. In Australia, 27% of men in the same age group live at home.
Here’s a quote from Bernard Salt, a social demographer, from an article from press.co.nz:
Men are living at home well into their 20s because they get free meals, free board, free laundry and free access to the family car. And you can have your girlfriend stay in your bedroom overnight, so why would you ever leave home?”
You can read the whole article in which Salt is quoted here.
Here’s a link to a lovely article written by a mother whose adult daughter is moving home after 5 years away. Like so many other young people, she is moving home because there are no good job prospects for her in the area where she’s been living, so she’s moving back to Mom’s home to find entry-level work and save some cash.
Kathy Scott, the mother and writer of the article, sums up many parents’ feeling about adult children moving home beautifully:
I am anxious to see her, and at the same time anxious about what this change will mean to both of us. I have had five years with her being only an occasional visitor… What will happen once she is back in our home, and I inevitably fall back into the role of watchful mother?
You can read the whole article here.